The Integrated Masculine

Before we dive into this entry of The Integrated Masculine, a quick word to the women who’ve shaped me: this entry may be for the men, but your impact on my growth is undeniable. You know who you are—thank you.

This one’s for the men—but not just any men. The kings.

For the men—but not just any men

Now whilst this entry’s title may look to only address one gender, I can say this: understanding the role that men play in other men’s lives can truly be a matter of life and death.

Dramatic? Perhaps.

But one statistic stands out to me. In Australia alone, today seven men will die by suicide. Globally, the number is roughly between 1,300 and 1,400 men… daily.

“Surrounding yourself with kings can be the difference between survival and surrender.”

I’m certainly not saying that the men taking their own lives didn’t have good male support, or didn’t have men in their lives who could’ve changed the decision that was made, but the proof is in the pudding—surrounding oneself with men who align with the king archetype can have profound benefits for mental health and overall well being.

What makes a king?

The king archetype isn’t about dominance or ego. It’s about leadership rooted in integrity. A true king is calm in crisis, generous in spirit, and committed to service—whether to his family, his community, or his brothers.

The qualities of leadership, wisdom, integrity, and strength that these individuals embody can inspire and motivate others to adopt similar traits, leading to personal growth and development.

“A true king is calm in crisis, generous in spirit, and committed to service.”

Reflecting on my own group of male friends, each of them has contributed significantly to my journey throughout life, providing support, guidance, and inspiration that have enhanced my overall well being.

But it doesn’t stop at the men in my immediate “right now”, I think back to eras of my life when friends who may not be playing such prominent roles as they are in my current era, and the impact they had on my life in various ways. Friends, foes, mentors & leaders alike, each one played a role in bringing me to the man I am today.

Brothers in a strange land

When I finished high school, my life was uprooted and I moved interstate, to somewhere I was unfamiliar with, somewhere that I practically knew no one. A new beginning. I had never really been modelled any sort of king archetype qualities by my own father, so at the time I was just pushed out into the world, in an small mining town that was completely alien to me.

What I did not realise at the time, was this move would signal my transition from adolescent to manhood, and in this town, I would come to meet so many of the men I surround myself with daily—almost two decades later.

In a spiritual sense, the threads of fate were about to intertwine my own life with other men who also weren’t from this place in the universe.

Heartbreak and the healing circle

The first instance I can think of when the men in my life showed up and pulled me through might have been the story of my first heartbreak.

I still remember sitting on my mate’s back porch, bottle in hand, thinking my world had ended.

“You’ll get through this,” he said, not looking at me, just flicking his lighter. “You’re not the first, and you won’t be the last. But you’ve got us.”

That moment mattered more than he’ll ever know.

I had been in a relationship with a woman for several months, and she had made the call to move back to her home country. She asked me to come with her at the time. I had nothing tying me down, and saw this as an opportunity to start a new chapter in a much more picturesque part of the world.

Alas, I was young, I was emotionally immature, and I hadn’t foreseen that when she had moved back a few weeks before I moved over, that she had rekindled with an ex-partner.

“That moment mattered more than he’ll ever know.”

Coming back to the town that had just bid me farewell, friends that had sent me off with best wishes, and returning to a job I had resigned from, a little over a week later, was at that point in my life, one of the most difficult obstacles I had navigated. But I know without a doubt that without the company of men I had, I wouldn’t have had the sense of belonging and community that helped me rise—reborn from this fire I had found myself in.

The fork in the workshop

Fast forward a few years, when I would begin my career as an apprentice mechanic in the mining industry. In a male dominated workplace, looking back now it is easy to think of individuals who embodied different archetypes, and thinking of the men I worked with who became mentors, leaders or friends, which embodied the king archetypes.

That workshop was a fork in the road for many men.

One path led to lifelong learning, craftsmanship, and quiet pride in providing.

The other? Fun, addiction, and avoiding child support with dodgy contracts.

I know which path I wanted to follow, although admittedly I did stray from the path from time to time, deepening my own personal growth and life experience for the better.

I gravitated towards the men I looked up to, and I like to think each one of these men embodied me with qualities that I now years later bring to my role as a leader, even if it’s not in that same workshop.

“The workshop was a fork in the road. One path led to wisdom, the other to ruin.”

My Leading Hand throughout my apprenticeship was one of the kindest and technically smartest men I’ve ever met. A man of God, a father of four, and a loving husband. Thinking back, I am so grateful for the time I spent with him, not just for everything he taught me in my qualification, but the qualities he embodied me with throughout those four years.

I would go as far as to say in those four years, he taught me more about being a father than mine own father ever has.

The team that held me together

I’ve touched on it in a previous entry, but the darkest days of my life remain firmly during the period when my sons mother departed our home, and I went from seeing my son every day, to not knowing when I would see him again.

Throughout these months, several influences kept me grounded, kept me sane, and most importantly—kept me in the fight.

The sense of belonging and the camaraderie within the team I was playing soccer for at the time was unparalleled. To show up to training on a Friday night, be able to let the guys know what had happened, and that I just wanted to train, have a laugh, and to be received and reciprocated, with the knowledge that I was always welcome to speak up if that’s what I felt called to do, was priceless.

“The men in my life didn’t save me—they reminded me I was worth saving.”

What this group of kings was able to do for me, was provide a sense of stability and security, which was crucial during this time of stress and uncertainty.

And a few years later, this same team of men would help me recover from yet another heartbreak.

Over the years, this community of men who can show up, be a team regardless of a win or lose result on game days, and also be vulnerable, has helped many more than just myself through life’s various obstacles, and when I’ve been present, I’d like to think I’ve always been able to help others.

So whilst there may be some stigma around sporting clubs and the beers, bags & betting culture, the sense of belonging, purpose and camaraderie shine heavy here as well.

“Sporting clubs might have a reputation, but within mine was brotherhood, belonging, and emotional refuge.”

A legacy for my son

My role as a father is perhaps the greatest role I will have in this lifetime, so now I find myself with the task of not embodying my son with these qualities, but rather, modelling them myself, and just as importantly, ensuring that the men he sees in my life, embody those qualities themselves.

My own father, a lifetime drug addict, had few friends, and I don’t remember them at all if I’m completely honest. I do know, however—that most of them died years ago, through various means, but one thing is clear, they were stuck in the same cycle that my own father was. He just didn’t succumb as easy, and perhaps had more opportunities to make something of his life.

“My son doesn’t need perfect men—he needs present ones who lead with love.”

Now I’m not picky, I certainly do have friends that don’t align with the king archetype, it would be impractical to simply be selective of who you make time for. But I know that when I have my son, the friends that I have around him, are ones that I look up to. Ones that would model behaviours that he would also look up to.

Ultimately, he is his own person, and he will make his own friends, live his own life, make his own mistakes, and that is okay. That is being human. No one simply starts their journey as one type. But I know through love, patience and support, I can inspire him to be a good human being.

Showing Up Now

These days, how I show up for the men in my life looks different than it did in my twenties—but no less important.

Sometimes, it’s just picking up the phone. Listening. Holding space for a brother who’s doing it tough. Calling the man who once guided me when I was lost, and letting him know I’ve got his back now, too.

It’s showing up at a gig, a birthday, a fundraiser—even when it’s inconvenient—because I know how much it means to be seen and celebrated. It’s a message in the inbox out of the blue: “Hey mate, just checking in. How’s life?”

These moments might not be loud or headline-worthy, but they’re what leadership actually looks like. Not grand gestures or power plays—but presence. Small acts that say: you matter, I’m here, and we’re in this together.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s this: kings don’t need a crown to lead. They lead by showing up—again and again—in the moments that matter most.

Lead with heart, live with purpose

If I am a king today, it’s only because others wore their crowns before me—and chose to lift me up rather than cast a shadow.

Now it’s my turn to do the same—for my son, for my brothers, and for the men still finding their way.

So men—if you want to rise with strength, lead with heart, and live with purpose, surround yourself with kings.

–TIM