The Integrated Masculine

I’ve never had a formal diagnosis. I don’t take medication. But I have felt the weight of anxiety sitting on my chest. I’ve had a panic attack. I’ve woken in the night with my thoughts racing. I write this not as a therapist or expert, but as a man who knows what it’s like to lose his grip on calm—and fight to get it back.

To really understand what anxiety is—and isn’t—it helps to look at the different ways it can show up, from everyday stress to full-blown panic.

“I write this not as a therapist or expert, but as a man who knows what it’s like to lose his grip on calm — and fight to get it back.”

There are several types of anxiety, but the most common types you would hear of are general anxiety, social anxiety, panic attacks and chronic anxiety disorders.

General anxiety is the everyday, normal kind of anxiety we all experience. It’s that feeling of worry or apprehension that pops up when you have a big exam, a job interview, a first date, or even just when you’re thinking about your bills. It’s usually tied to a specific situation or concern, and once that situation passes, the anxiety tends to fade. It’s a natural human emotion that can even be helpful – it motivates us to prepare or act.

Social anxiety is a specific type of anxiety disorder where the anxiety is intensely focused on social situations.

People with social anxiety have a strong fear of being judged, scrutinised, embarrassed, or humiliated by others in social settings. This could be anything from speaking in public, eating in front of people, attending parties, or even just having a casual conversation with someone new. The fear is often out of proportion to the actual threat.

In social situations, people with social anxiety might experience blushing, sweating, trembling, a racing heart, stuttering, and an upset stomach.

They often avoid social situations altogether, or endure them with extreme distress. They might worry for days or weeks leading up to a social event.

A panic attack is a sudden, intense surge of overwhelming fear or discomfort that reaches a peak within minutes. It’s like your body’s “fight or flight” response goes into overdrive for no apparent reason, or for a reason that is not actually life-threatening.

The symptoms are often very dramatic and include things like a pounding heart, shortness of breath, chest pain, dizziness, trembling, sweating, a feeling of choking, numbness or tingling, nausea, and a terrifying sense of impending doom (like you’re going to die, go crazy, or lose control).

While incredibly intense, panic attacks usually only last for a few minutes to an hour, though the after-effects (exhaustion, lingering anxiety) can last longer.

It’s important to note that a panic attack is a symptom, not necessarily a disorder on its own. Many people experience one or two panic attacks in their lifetime, especially during times of high stress.

“Many men don’t recognise anxiety for what it is because it often wears the mask of anger, control, or silence.”

A panic disorder is an anxiety disorder where someone experiences recurrent, unexpected panic attacks and then develops a persistent worry or fear about having more attacks.

It’s not just the attacks themselves, but the constant dread of when the next one will strike. This fear can lead to significant changes in behaviour, like avoiding places or situations where they’ve had attacks before (which can sometimes lead to agoraphobia – fear of situations where escape might be difficult or help unavailable).

The fear of having another panic attack can actually trigger more panic attacks, creating a vicious cycle.

Think of it like this analogy:

General Anxiety: You’re worried about your presentation at work tomorrow. It’s a normal, temporary stress.

Generalised Anxiety Disorder: You’re not just worried about the presentation; you’re constantly worried about work, your health, your family, the news, everything, all the time, for months on end.

Social Anxiety Disorder: You’re not worried about the content of the presentation, but you’re terrified of presenting it because you’ll be judged or make a fool of yourself in front of others.

Panic Attack: Right before your presentation, your heart suddenly starts racing, you can’t breathe, you feel dizzy, and you’re convinced you’re having a heart attack and going to die, even though there’s no actual physical danger.

Panic Disorder: After that panic attack, you start avoiding all presentations, and even the building where you had the attack, because you’re terrified of having another one, and this fear impacts your life every day.

Many men don’t actually recognise anxiety for what it is because it shows up differently: anger, irritability, avoidance, control-seeking behaviour or even hyper-productivity.

In my own life, anxiety has shown up in the quiet moments, even as an extrovert, this doesn’t make me immune to getting anxious at times.

“We’re conditioned to hold it all together — but it’s the holding that’s often breaking us.”

My own first panic attack came a time when I had never expected it. But that was kind of the reason why.

I was in an environment where I was thought I was safe, where I was certain I was meant to be. One small action led to a chain reaction of mental and emotion unravelling. In that moment I felt my entire world, my entire reality come crashing down around me.

One of the problems with our current society is that we as men are conditioned to suppress fear, worry and overwhelm—which only intensifies anxiety when it shows up.

But not exclusively to men, is that there is this constant underlying pressure to “hold it all together”, and this can be so damaging, so fracturing to our mental health.

“Once I’m mentally spent, my soul requires a different kind of self-love.”

Add the weight of parenting, being a leader, and showing up for your loved ones onto that, and it’s easy to lose yourself to the voices of self doubt.

Staying grounded, rooted in self-love has become a daily habit for me, and I’ve experienced firsthand how easy it is to crumble when these simple routines fall to the wayside.

Movement, the first thing I do most days, is my most important tool for managing stress. I hit my caffeine, walk into the gym, headphones on, wrist wraps on, and get down to business. I push myself physically to grow myself mentally.

What might appear as a way to push and punish the body, actually serves to provide clarity and grounding for the challenges that await later in the day.

Later, much later in the day, once I’m mentally spent, my soul requires a different type of self love. Breath-work or meditation in the sauna, followed by some journalling, is my go to.

This allows me to reset my nervous system, ease into a rest state, and then reflect upon what I’ve accomplished, or empty the thoughts that are occupying my mind, whatever those thoughts are. I’ve found they’re more useful out of my head, and onto the paper.

Not uncommon, I witness daily some of my closest loved ones battling anxiety on different levels. If there’s one thing I take from them, it’s that anxiety knows no bounds, and creeps into every aspect of life.

“When someone you love is anxious, don’t try to fix it — just stay present.”

Whether it’s worrying about what a partner might think, or worrying on how the next mortgage repayment is going to be made, or worrying about how our children’s generation are going grow up in a world with a ravaged environment both naturally and economically—the extent of anxiety is only limited by one’s imagination.

The most important thing to remember if you’re confronted by someone close to you suffering from anxiety, is that it is much more important to hold space, rather than to try and “fix” it.

Listening is such an underrated quality.

So many men carry their anxiety in silence—not because they lack courage, but because they’ve been taught that talking about their struggles is weakness. That emotional control equals strength. But this isn’t control—it’s containment. And containment eventually ruptures.

There’s a reason suicide is still one of the leading causes of death for men. It’s not that men don’t feel deeply. It’s that we’re often never taught how to feel safely, how to express what’s happening beneath the surface.

If you’re reading this and you feel the weight pressing in—you’re not alone. And you’re not broken. One of the most masculine things a man can do is face what’s inside him and speak it aloud. To a mate. To a therapist. To a partner. To himself.

The goal isn’t to never feel anxious again. The goal is to stop facing it alone.

If you’ve followed The Integrated Masculine, you’ll know I’ve often written about archetypes—the energies that live within every man. When it comes to anxiety, each of these archetypes responds differently.

The Warrior wants to fight through it. He gets up at 5am, hits the weights, tackles the to-do list. Sometimes this works. Sometimes it just masks the panic underneath.

The Magician overthinks. He researches anxiety to death, tries to find the perfect technique or trick to outsmart it. He’s convinced if he can understand it enough, he can eliminate it.

The Lover feels everything deeply—including anxiety. It may overwhelm him, and he can turn to numbing (through addiction, avoidance, or distraction) just to cope.

And The King? The Integrated King acknowledges the anxiety, holds space for it, and seeks the right counsel. He doesn’t rule with fear, but with self-awareness and responsibility. He doesn’t pretend anxiety doesn’t exist—he invites it into the throne room and listens to what it’s trying to teach him.

When we integrate these parts of ourselves, we learn how to regulate, rather than repress. To respond, not react.

Anxiety isn’t just in your head—it lives in your body. I didn’t fully understand this until I experienced it myself. Even now, I notice how my body reacts to unresolved tension, stress, or unprocessed emotions. The racing thoughts are one thing. But the clenched jaw, the tight chest, the shallow breath—that’s your body keeping score.

That’s why practices like breath-work, sauna, cold exposure, and movement aren’t just trendy tools. They’re ancient, primal ways to return to your body and recalibrate your nervous system.

You can’t outthink anxiety.

But you can out-breathe it.

You can out-ground it.

You can out-listen it—not by denying its existence, but by reconnecting to yourself.

Reclaim your inner stillness.

Anxiety may not rule my life, but it has passed through—and when it does, it demands my attention. I don’t believe in pushing it away anymore. I believe in listening to what it’s trying to say.

To the man reading this who’s never had a panic attack, but wakes up with a heaviness he can’t explain—you’re not soft. You’re human.

To the man who lives with anxiety every day, who hides it behind humour, or rage, or silence—you’re not alone.

And to the man doing the work—one breath, one workout, one page of journaling at a time—keep going. You are not failing. You are learning how to feel.

Anxiety is not the enemy. Ignoring it is.

Let this be your reminder: you don’t have to be fearless to be strong. You just have to stay in the room with yourself — especially when it gets uncomfortable.

–TIM